Missions in Hyrule
by mangaphan
Summary: These are the random missions you want to know about. Why does OoT Link never change his expression? Why do so many fangirls love Link? How truly perverted is the Wind Waker Link? And, as always, much, much more! R
1. Mission: Possible?

Hello everybody!!!!!!!! It is my very first story, yay!!!!!!(it sucks!) SHUT UP!!!!! (make me) Why  
I otta...(you do know your talking to yourself, don't you) ...Ehem, yes, yes I was very much  
aware of that, uh, inner self...(lol, he's been talking to himself, he evened named me!  
HAHAHAH!!!) Dude, that means your talking to yourself as well. (...just start the fic) Right.  
  
I do not own The Legend of Zelda series, nor anything else...Zelda. ( you sound very confident)  
shut up! And by the way, all the characters, including myself, are our 17 year old selves, unless  
stated otherwise. Hmmmm, I wonder what I would look like....AHHHHHHHHHHHH  
SOMEONE GOUGE OUT MY EYES, PLEASE, KILL MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! !!!O.O!!!   
  
Let's start this already (you read my mind) you are my mind (shut up)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
mangaphan: *whispering* We are here at Link's house, the star of Ocarina of Time, on a  
mission. We will make Link have some expression other than yelling and gasping.   
  
Ganon: *whispering* I'm here too.  
  
MP: Yes, so is Saria, Zelda, and Malon. Ruto couldn't give a crap. We will complete or mission  
even if it kills us.  
  
Ganon and Malon: I didn't agree to that!!!  
  
MP: *acting all heroic like* Do not fear, fair maiden, for I will protect you from the ravages of  
Link!!!  
  
Zelda: MP, Link is going to here you, keep it down!!  
  
Saria: And why do you keep referring to it as a mission. All we are doing is trying to make Link  
laugh (which is impossible, so why am I even here?) *Sarah leaves*  
  
Ganon: *blushing/ignoring Zelda/Saria and with a southern accent* Ahh, your too kind.  
  
MP: *head slowly sliding down in pure anime style as an oversized sweat drop appears on his  
head/also ignoring Zelda* I was talking to Malon. (Weirdo)  
  
Malon: *blushes as Link comes out of his house*  
  
Link: * finishes putting on his shirt*  
  
Zelda and Malon: *eyes turning into big hearts, also in an anime-like style* What a hunk!!! *glare  
at each other*  
  
Ganon and MP: *shakes their heads* Women  
  
Young Ruto: *comes out and kisses Link on the cheek* I love you.  
  
Link: *face stays in that same stupid scowl he has in OOT* ...........  
  
Zelda: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! *runs away, crying*  
  
Malon: Hemph, I don't need him any way. Besides, look at his face. I knew he was a fairy *inches  
closer to MP*  
  
MP: *thinking* (oh no, she's coming closer. Geeze, I'm so sweaty, it's so hot!!! Maybe I should  
take off my shirt to cool down? No, that'll attract attention. My heart is beating so loud. I  
wonder if they hear? Of course they hear it. They're going to know something's wrong. Well  
since they know already, maybe I should make my move. Here I go) *lunges at Malon with arms  
wide, ready to embrace her and plant one on her lips*  
  
Ruto: What are you guys doing here?!?!?!  
  
Malon: *turns to look at Ruto and in doing so, MP misses her and hits the ground*  
  
Everyone (except Link): *stares at MP*  
  
MP: Ow.  
  
Ganon: *ignores MP* We are here to get Link!!!  
  
Ruto: NO, you'll have to kill me first.  
  
Link:............  
  
Ganon: O.K. *pulls out sword and slices Ruto in half*  
  
Link:......................  
  
Malon: *moves to help MP up*  
  
MP: *not wanting to look like an idiot, jumps up into yet another heroic stance* *sees what  
Ganon did* Uh, Ganon, that wasn't really necessary.  
  
Ganon: Of course it was, she said that to get to Link, we would have to kill her first.  
  
MP: That's because she thought we were trying to kill Link.  
  
Ganon: Oh, sorry. *cleans sword on Ruto and puts it away. Then discreetly kicks Ruto's body out  
of the way.*  
  
Link:.......................  
  
MP: Let's just start the mission. *takes out a Reader's Digest and looks in the joke section*  
Here's one, "Spotting the befuddled CEO holding a piece of paper and standing by the shredder,  
the assistant decided to help. 'I'll help you. Put the paper in the machine, like so, and hit start,' the  
assistant instructed. 'Great. Now how do you make just one copy?'" *laughs hysterically*  
  
Link:...............  
  
Ganon:..............  
  
Malon:*feeble laugh*...........  
  
MP: *laughter dies down*  
  
All:.....................  
  
Ganon: Let me see that. *takes magazine out of MP's hands* Here we are, "Two green recruits  
found 3 hand grenades on the road and decided to take them back to the base. "What if one of  
them explodes?' asks one young private. 'No problem' said his buddy. 'We'll say we only found  
two.'.....................  
  
Link:................  
  
MP:..........What's a green recruit?  
  
Malon: I thought it was pretty good.  
  
Ganon. *throws away mgazine*  
  
MP: NOOOOOOOOOOO my only connection to the outside world (and my jokes) why couldn't  
he have taken me instead?!?!?! *tears stream down his face in (you guessed it) anime-like style  
and he appears as a chibi*  
  
Ganon: Well, jokes don't make him laugh, so maybe this will. *gives MP an atomic wedgie*  
  
MP: * eyes turn almost as big as his face and more tears come*  
  
Link:....................  
  
Ganon: Hmmmm, well, maybe this will work. *gives atomic wedgie to Malon*  
  
Ganon and MP: *MP stops crying and returns to normal as he and Ganon stare at Malon*  
MALON'S WEARING A THONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *high five each other*  
  
Link:.......................  
  
Ganon: Whoooooooooooooooooooooooo  
  
MP: *eyes get big and cries again, this time out of joy*  
  
Malon: *face turns deep red and she runs into the forest*  
  
Ganon: *whistles and hoots after her.*  
  
Link: ..................  
  
MP: *still with his underpants over his head, gives Ganon an atomic wedgie*  
  
Ganon: *face turns red in anger and pain*  
  
MP: *laughing hysterically again*  
  
Ganon: *gives MP a purple nurple, immediately shutting him up*  
  
Link:....................  
  
MP: *rubbing his chest* Okay, that didn't go as planned.  
  
Ganon: *has his underwear back in his pants again* Yeah, any other suggestions?  
  
MP: This time we'll make him angry. *MP runs over and punches Link in the face*  
  
Link:*yells really loud and excessively long, flashes red, and falls down*  
  
MP: Yeah, yeah, we know you can do that already!!  
  
Link:*returns to normal and stands up*..............  
  
MP: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr *runs at Link, flailing his arms around wildly, hoping to hit him*  
  
Ganon:*holds MP back by the hem of the shirt, easily*  
  
Malon:*comes back with a tint of pink in her cheeks and a "new outfit"* (gasp) Ganon, what are  
you doing to MP?!?  
  
Ganon: What do ya mean?!?! I was ju....  
  
Malon: *wacks Ganon over the head with a frying pan*  
  
MP: *released, he flies into Link*  
  
Link: *does that hurt sequence again*...........  
  
**30 minutes later**  
  
MP: O.K., now what?  
  
Ganon: I say we just kill him.  
  
Malon: Once again, no.  
  
Ganon: Well what does it matter to you, you and MP hooked up.  
  
Malon: NO WE DID NOT!!!!!!!!  
  
Ganon: Ohh.....  
  
MP: Weeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllll.....  
  
Malon: *hits MP with the frying pan*  
  
MP: *staggers around*  
  
Malon: That's it!!!!!!!  
  
Ganon: Oh boy, I bet there'll be bloodshed!!!!  
  
Malon: *walks over to Link* SAY SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link:...........  
  
Malon: WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Link:.......................  
  
Malon: HOW OLD ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Link:.........................  
  
Malon: Er, uh, let's see.......  
  
MP: Who is the SUCKIEST LOSER of all time?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Link: ..........Ganon............  
  
MP and Malon: SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hug each other and jump up and down*  
  
Ganon: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link:...................  
  
MP and Malon: *laugh hysterically*  
  
Ganon: Wait, that can't be right, one of you must be able to throw your voice. Yeah that's it, you  
cheated. You gu....  
  
MP: *interrupts Ganon* Well, that's al the time we have. I look forward to our next adventure.  
  
Malon and MP: BYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link:.......................  
  
Ganon: (Who really cares at this point what Ganon has to say. We all no basically what it is. So  
let's just end it here)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
Malon: Wow, that was fun.  
  
MP: I know I had a good time.... *stares into space and drools*  
  
Malon: *blushes and slaps MP across the face*  
  
Inner-MP: Hah hah!! Hey wait, I get my own little thing over there to indicate I'm talking. Score.  
  
MP: *rubbing his face* Right, so that ends it. Tell me what you think in the reviews!!!!!!!  
  
Inner-MP: Be sure to include MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MP: Shut up, your just a figment of my imagination.  
  
Malon: Who are you talking to?  
  
MP:..........Just say bye.  
  
Malon: Um *looks around uncertainly* bye?  
  
Will mangaphan ever stop talking to himself? Will he and Malon hook up? Will Ganon ever be in  
the ending sequence? And why did Link talk? Why is this ending sequence so long? Perhaps  
mangaphan will explain it in the next mission. Send in your reviews on this subject.  
  
MP: I didn't approve of that!!!!!! 


	2. The Mission to Adult Link's Heart

Jetblack_4:Welcome back to the continued mass insanity that is known as our Fanfic!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
MP: *with Canadian accent* Yeah, that's my best friend, eh (on this site anyway).   
  
JB4: I FEEL SO LOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I HEARD THAT, INNER MP YOU LITTLE...)  
  
Inner-MP: NOOOO THIS IS A PG13 RATED FIC, YOU CANT SAY THAT!!!!! besides, I  
thought I was the only inner-self   
  
Inner-JB4: oh alright.... I say, that was extremely unpleasent comment you just made,eh,  
Jetblack4?  
  
JB4: DON'T MAKE FUN OF MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
MP: Beauty, eh?  
  
Malon: What do you mean by that?  
  
MP: *looks around shiftily and drops the accent* nuthin....  
  
JetBlack4: -.- Damn random Bastard.....  
  
Inner JB4: Now that is not very nice...  
  
Malon: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! DON'T CALL MP SWEETIE A .... NAUGHTY  
NAME!!!!! NOW WE WILL HAVE TO CHANGE THIS RATING!!!!!!!  
  
MP: *looks sideways at Malon smugly* you called me sweetie.  
  
Malon: Uh, no, I mean, ummm.... define sweetie, or something like that......  
  
Ganondorf: Hey, I have not been metioned in this story yet?????????????? HOW CAN YOU NOT  
HAVE ME??????????? Anyway, just who ARE you, JB4? We know that you're MP's buddy and  
stuff, but what the BEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPP are you doing here?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Everyone 9except Ganon of course): SHUT THE @%$#&*&^$$@^$!!! UP, GANON AND GO  
THE (insert popular four letter word her) AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MP: besides, your not written in on the beginning.  
  
JB4: Now this is terribly exciting, but can we please get on with fic.  
  
MP: By the way, I own noone in this fic (except MP) shuddup.  
******************************************************************************  
  
Ganon: I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK  
  
Everyone: NOT YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ganon: *slinks away*  
  
**Everyone has gathered at MP's house and are sitting around the table telling the others about  
what has gone on since the last mission**  
  
Navi:...and that's how I used toothpaste to save Tinkerbell.  
  
Everyone: *stares at Navi*..........  
  
MP: Uh, Navi, you weren't in the first mission.  
  
**Just then, a fiery explosions rocked the ground beneath them. Then, from the distance, came  
the bray of Epona! We went out the door to see what was happening and saw that an asteroid had  
collided right in front of the house, leaving a smoldering crater. From the hole a figure was lying  
there. "Liiiiiiiink!!!!!!!!!!" everyone screamed in unison. Suddenly, though, Link pulled in on  
Epona. Because of his stern look, we kept silent. The figure in the blackened pit slowly picked  
itself up and walked through the scorching walls of fire. Soon, we realized that it was in fact Link  
that was on that comet, yes, it was Dark Link. Link climbed down from Epona and unsheathed his  
sword. He stood his ground as Dark Link continued his slow progression. Dark Link reached  
Link, grinned, and..........**  
  
Malon:.....MP, MP....MP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MP:*startled* Huh. What?!?!?!  
  
Malon: You have been staring into space for 15 minutes now.  
  
MP: Oh, sory bout that *to the audience: you may have guessed it already, but for those of you a  
bit slow, that thing with Adult Link riding up on Epona was all part of my vivid imagination. It  
never happened. But that would have been so cool, eh?*  
  
JB4: I heard that. I am NOT amused.   
  
Ganon: (who slinks back in while MP was in his own little world) Why do you say that, JB?   
  
JB4: I am Canadian. And it is widely stereotyped that we say eh after everything and that is NOT  
THE CASE. MP is just an in culturally sensitive little prick..  
  
Ganon: I still have no idea what you're talking about.   
MP:......Anyway, let's get back to the stories.  
  
Malon: Yeah, MP you tell'em what you, JB4, and I did last night.  
  
MP: Sure. Since the last mission, we've been tripped out of our minds and last night we smoked  
enough pot to kill a horse and listened to Greenday and Evanescence. We can't remember what  
happened..........  
  
Everyone:...................  
  
Ganon: Doesn't pot make you............  
  
Malon: Yes, yes it does.  
  
Everyone:...................  
  
JB4: It was fun, I think. I cant really remember much now that I think about it...  
  
Saria: Hey, I bet you guys really had fun, hmmmmmm? *gives the three of them a mischevious  
grin and giggles*  
  
Ganon: *thinking *Hmmmmmmmm.... She likes pot too... interesting... maybe I should try to  
figure out if she's single...  
  
**Just then, JB4's slightly pointed ears perked up. She seemed to be listening to something very  
interesting, but none of the others could hear it.**  
  
Ganon: What are you listening to?   
  
JB4: ..........  
  
Ganon: HEL~LOOOOOOOOOO.....  
  
JB4: ..... Huh? What?... Oh, I think I hear something... cant you?   
  
Malon: Noooooooo...... Where is it coming from....  
  
JB4: *rolls her eyes* Follow me, oh deaf ones  
  
MP: o.k.  
  
**Everyone got up and followed Jet out the door. She wound through the forest and came upon a  
stream. By this time, everyone had heard the sweet melody issuing from down stream. MP, JB4,  
Zelda recognized the song as Zelda's Lullaby!!! The small, odd group continue to follow the  
stream until they came upon a small clearing. The brook continued to the middle were it fed a  
small pond. All around was deep green and clusters of beautiful, bright flowers. Off to the left of  
the scene was Epona with her head down chewing on the luscious grass. Next to the river was  
none other than Adult Link!!! He had his boots off and stood them beside him and let his feet  
dangle in the miniature lake. His eyes were close and he was slowly playing his Ocarina of Time.  
Thankfully he hadn't seen us because he had his sword and shield on his back and his bow and  
arrows, bag of bombs, and long shot were sitting next to him. All in all it was a very serene place  
to come and think. (Descriptive, ain't it. And yes, this did happen.**   
  
All the girls (Except Navi and JB4): LINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *with hearts in their eyes*   
  
JB4: I've seen better...  
  
Inner-JB4: That's a laugh...  
  
JB4: shut it you...  
  
MP and Ganon: *shake their heads* Women....*snap heads back up* Now he knows were here!!!  
  
Malon: *whispers to MP* That was the idea.  
  
Adult Link: *looks up*......*spies his young self and stares*  
  
Young Link:..........  
  
A. Link:.............  
  
Everyone Else:..................  
  
Y. Link:...............  
  
MP: ENOUGH of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Geeze, let's just do talk to him.  
  
A. Link: (Who is the new girl... I have no hold over her.... My sex appeal is lost!... But How...  
Hmmmmm... I shall have to investigate...)  
  
Y. Link:.........   
  
(A/n okay, this is JB4.. And let me just say... that was completely pointless of me to write....  
OOOkkkkkk~aaayyyy....)  
  
Ganon: What is everyone so excited about, it's just Link...*begins to walk away* Wait a minute...  
IT'S LINK!!!!!*turns around and charges A. Link* DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!  
  
All the girls (except JB4): *gasp*  
  
A. Link: *stands up and holds out a fist right as Ganon reaches him*...........  
  
Ganon: *slams right into A. Links fist and is knocked out*  
  
Everyone (except JB4 and Y. Link): *cringes* Oooooooooooooooooh!!!!!!  
  
JB4: Are you two chauvinistic males done spraying the walls with testosterone, or should I come  
back later?  
  
Everyone:............  
  
JB4: *sigh* Are you guys done with showing off for the women?   
  
Everyone: OHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
A. Link: *thinking* (wow, she sure is different and smart and strong.... I think I'm in  
Loooooooove...)  
  
At this point Adult link gained little hearts in his eyes while he looked at JB4. Zelda growled at  
her.   
  
Zelda: *thinking* how come she got link to love her????  
  
A. Link stepped over to JB4 and stared at her lovingly...   
  
JB4: Fuck off, dickhead.   
  
Ganon: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?  
  
JB4: *Punches Ganon in his face*  
  
Ganon: *flying away into the distance till he is but a tiny star* X_X  
  
A. Link: (She is even more powerful than I could ever have imagined.....) *All of the sudden, the  
background behind Link and JB4 changes into pretty colors and bubbles and as Link stares at  
JB4, she starts to be shiny*  
  
Zelda: My love.... you do not love me?  
  
A. Link: *goes over to JB4 and whispers something in her ear.*   
  
Everyone except A. Link, Y.link, and JB4: OHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYY  
GGOOOODDD!!!!!!! LINK TALKED????!!!!!??? TO JB4????? HOLY SNAP PATRICK!!!!!!  
HELL JUST FROZE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CALL THE PRESS!!! WE HAVE A FRONT-PAGER  
IN ACTION!!!!!!  
Zelda: Why didn't he talk to me???????  
  
JB4: *chuckling evilly* I agree with you on that, Link.   
  
Link: *leans over and whispers again.*  
  
JB4: O.o Distance. *Backs away slowly*   
  
******************************************************************************  
  
MP: Good cliffhanger, huh?  
  
JB4 and Malon:........No  
  
MP: O.o Why!?!?!?!?  
  
Malon: Well, we don't know what Link said.  
  
MP: Yes, about that.......  
  
JB4:*interrupting* He said 'Zelda should fuck off, she just figured it out.' and *shudders* 'Of  
course you do, love.'  
  
Malon and MP: O.o   
o.O   
O.o  
o.O  
O.......  
  
JB4: STOP THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Malon and MP: (O.O)  
  
JB4: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr, come on Link let's go.  
  
Ganon: Don't leave MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!1  
  
MP: ^_^ Well that's the fic. I hope you enjoyed it!.  
  
END 


	3. The Aftermath, and Next Mission?

Hey everyone!!! This is going to be the incredibly short mission, just so I can update and let you  
guys shower me with praise. I'll try to make it as funny as possible. OK, here it goes.  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
**The OoC gang, and MP, came tumbling out of the fun house, laughing. And I would imagine  
so. They just had the wildest, craziest, funniest adventure in HISTORY!!! HOW could you miss  
this?!?!?! I mean, this was so funny, Ruto died again from laughing so hard. I mean, geeze, she's  
like Kenny now!!! Oh well, guess you'll have to tune in next time for *yawn* the next, not-as-  
funny-and-probably-boring-compared-to-this-one mission. Till then.**  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
Eh-hum, yes, well, I guess we were a little late. Why don't we just fast-forward a bit to the next  
adventure. Here it goes. *yawn* Oh yeah, I don't own anything in this story except MP. Cool.  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
MP: Well, I'm bored. After that last adventure, nothing surprises me anymore. Of course I'm  
talking about when JB4 and A. Link hooked up.  
  
Ganon and MP: Women, always wanting to be with Link.  
  
MP: And on another note totally irrelevant to the subject, fun-houses scare me.  
  
Ganon: I know what you mean. *shudders*  
  
MP: Wait, Ganon, what the hell are you doing here?!?  
  
Ganon: *hangs his head down in a pathetic attempt to look too cute to turn away* Oh, ok. I  
guess I'll leave.  
  
MP: And don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!  
  
Ganon: WHAT?!?!?! YOU DARE DEFY ME?!?!?! A PLAGUE ON YOU, ONE THAT WILL  
LEAVE YOU LONELY FOREVER!!!!!!!!! ^0^ HAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
MP: Dude, number one, you don't have the power to cast plagues. Two, this is my fic, so I can  
edit that out. Three, me and Malon already hooked up.  
  
(A/N: Yes, It is true, ladies. I am off the market. I figured that JB4 has a new boyfriend, I should  
get one too. Wait a minute, that didn't turn out as I thought. Anyway, I know how unfortunate it  
is for you girls that have crazed obsessions over me. So please, do not try to kill me in real life or  
in your fics, and do not kill Malon in your fics. Or hurt her in anyway. Uh, thank you.)  
  
Ganon: *mutters under his breath and walks away*  
  
MP: Right * turns around and sees WW Link* Huh... -.-*  
  
WW Link: Mphh...mphhh...mphh...HAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
MP: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!?!?!?!  
  
WWL: o_O.........HAHAHAHA *is rolling on the ground from laughing so hard*  
  
MP: A little too much emotion *looks to his left and sees Young Link*  
  
YL:..................  
  
MP: Ooooooooooooh boy.  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
What will happen in the next adventure? Stay tuned to find out! Here's a preview.   
  
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
  
MP: WWL WILL YOU SHUT UP?!?!?!?! IT'S JUST A ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
  
More mayhem to come.  
  
A/N: This chapter was mostly made just to update, so I know it sucks. I hope you enjoyed it  
anyway. I expect your flames!!! !^__^! 


	4. Having Fun With the Wind Waker Mission

MP: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I'm back, and as you may know, I have been stuck with  
with young Link and Wind Waker Link...AND NO MALON!!!!!!!!! *does that chibi thing from  
the first chapter*  
  
Inner-MP: Well since lover-boy over there is...hold, I'M BACK!!!!! AND I HAVE A LITTLE  
INTICATER THINGIE THAT SHOWS I AM TALKING!!! Score 2!!! Anyway, as you may  
have noticed, the story has gone downhill in funniest since the 1st fic, not due to JB4, if you may  
be thinking that. No, it is due to a little thing called...  
  
MP: *back to normal and somehow interrupting himself?* WRITER'S BLOCK!!! I just can't  
think of anything good...  
  
IMP: *cutting off MP, even though he is MP's own imagination...?* NO, SHUT UP,THAT IS  
NOT IT AT ALL!!! Eh-hem, as I was saying, it is due to the fact that I'M NOT IN IT!!! But, I'm  
here now so, enjoy!!!  
  
MP: Riiiiiiiight...anyway, I own nothing in here except MP and my own imagination.  
  
IMP: THAT'S INNER-MP!!! I HAVE A NAAAAAME!!!  
  
MP: Let's just start the fic.  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
**When we last left our Lord and Master...wait, who the HELL changed the scripts?!?!?! Ah, I  
don't need a script. I'll just come up with one off the top of my head...grrrrr, MP is left with Link  
and WWL, there, just cut to them**  
  
MP: *^.^ waving a ball all around WWL's head and laughing as his eyes follow it* Hey, this is  
fun!!! I could do this all day!!!  
  
Malon: MP, you find strange ways to entertain yourself when I'm not around.  
  
MP: MALON?!?!?! *quickly hides the ball, causing WWL to get a confused look, and blushes* I-  
I-I, heh heh heh, um *scratches his head, but then notices WWL snickering at him* SHUT YOUR  
MOUTH!!! *hits WWL on the back of the head*  
  
WWL: *starts to cry*  
  
Malon: *gasp* WWL!!! Ah poor baby... *comforts WWL in her arms (yes he is his normal age as  
in Wind Waker) then glares at MP* How could you?!?!?!?!  
  
MP: I uh... *thinking* How does she think she is, hugging him like that. All I did was tap the cry  
baby, he's the hero of his own game for God's sake!!! I know... *looks around for a way to hurt  
himself. First he sees Y. Link* Hmmmmmmm, no, he doesn't react to anything. *spies a rock on  
the ground* No, Malon would know that I did it on purpose. *sees a cliff* Bingo.  
  
Malon: MP, are you alright, you've been standing there for like, 2 minutes now. Your not jealous,  
are you?  
  
MP: *doesn't seem to hear what Malon says and pretends to trip causing him to "accidently" fall  
down the cliff* I just realized the flaw to my  
plan...AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....  
  
Malon: MP?!?!?!?! * drops WWL, how has a perverted smile on his face and his cheeks are red*  
  
MP: *Appears out of no where, flashing red, and lands on his butt* Oof, ow...  
  
Malon: Oh, don't scare me like that *rushes over to MP and comforts him*  
  
MP: * does the same as WWL when he was in this situation*  
  
Malon: *still holding MP and looks around at WWL and Y. Link staring at them* ...This is  
awkward...  
  
MP: *dreamily* Take a picture, it will last longer hah-hm...  
  
WWL and Y. Link: *Both take out their cameras from their different adventures and snap a  
picture*  
  
Malon: *drops MP as she stands up, hands on her hips* Hmph, how rude!  
  
MP: *snaps back to reality* HU, Wha-? Oh, yeah...damn... I guess it's time for... *heroic stance*  
THE NEXT MISSION!!!  
  
Malon: Oh yeah, forgot all about those... *blushes and covers her mouth with a hand*  
  
WWL: *blink*............*blink*.............*cocks his head to the side*......................*cough*......  
  
Y. Link:..........................................................*does a action if you wait too long to move*........  
  
MP: *still in heroic stance with a huge smile on his face*  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
**One hour later, our main characters still have not moved, so we're skipping ahead by 5 hours,  
were we find our heroes, if you could call them that, on the side of a treacherous cliff, on a ledge  
barely 2 feet wide with wind whipping them**  
  
Malon: *trying in vain to hold her skirt down to the strong winds* MPPPPPP, why are we up  
here again?!?  
  
WWL: *behind Malon and staring at her legs and skirt*  
  
MP: *surprisingly enough, not looking at Malon, but instead intent on what is ahead* I don't  
know, I just thought it was natural, being in Hyrule with Link and all.  
  
Malon: MP, YOU ARE AN IDIOT...AND A JERK...BUT MOSTLY AN IDIOT!!!  
  
MP: Glad I can be of service! ^_^  
  
WWL:*still staring at Malon*  
  
Y. Link:..................  
  
MP: Wait, I have an idea...  
  
Malon: NOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
MP: No, don't worry, it has nothing to do with you naked or upside down...or both...or on the  
bed...*drools and stares in to space dreamily*  
  
Malon: MP, YOU PERV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATE-  
YOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! o  
  
MP: Anyway, this involves WWL *looks at WWL* STOP STARING AT MALON'S LEGS  
AND GET OUT YOUR WAND-THINGY!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
WWL: *blinks, then pulls out the Wind Waker*  
  
MP: Great now STOP THIS DAMN WIND!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
WWL: *nods and does the necessary movements to stop the wind*  
  
MP: Good boy, now get out deku leaves for all of us...  
  
WWL: *takes out the leaves*  
  
MP: ...and make the wind go up so we can get back on solid ground.  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
**A few minutes later**  
  
Malon: *sitting on the ground, tired* MP, I hate you...MP I hate you...MP, I hate you...  
  
MP: *standing up with a huge, smug grin on his face* HAHAHA, I told you I could get you of of  
there.  
  
WWL: *laughing again*  
  
Y. Link:..................................  
  
MP: *looks over at Y. Link and thinks* Look at'em, so ungrateful, hmmmmmmmm, maybe I  
should just kill him, push him off the cliff a few times...  
  
Inner- MP: WHAT?!?!?!?! Are you an IDIOT?!?!?! Do you know what Malon would do to you if  
she saw THAT?!? I mean, she's about to kill you right now.  
  
MP: Huh? *turns around*  
  
Malon: *hands reaching for MP's neck* MP, I hate you...  
  
MP: MALON, snap out of it.  
  
Malon: What? *comes out of zombie-like stance* Oh, MP...I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!! YOU  
HAVE MADE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MP: Really...? *moves eyebrows up and down*  
  
Malon: *eye twitches and vein pops out on her forehead* Hold on...*covers her mouth with her  
hand, blushes, giggles and slaps MP*  
  
MP: Grrrrrrrrrr...*has a big, red hand mark on his face* Anyway, let's just start the mission.  
  
Malon: *exasperated* Finally!  
  
MP: Now what should it be...  
  
Malon: *falls down anime-style*  
  
MP: *looks sideways at WWL* Heh, heh, heh. Oooooooooooh WWL, you like to laugh, don't  
you?  
  
WWL: *grin spreads across his face*  
  
MP: Well then, take a look at this. *holds up a blank piece of paper*  
  
WWL: *bursts out laughing* ^o^  
  
MP: *throws paper away* Ok, mission complete. *starts to walk away*  
  
Malon: *holds MP by the ear* Uh-uh, mission incomplete. That's not a real mission.  
  
MP: *sigh* Fine, then let's have fun with him. *holds out flower*  
  
WWL: ^.^  
  
MP: *holds out a can of garbage*  
  
WWL: *.*  
  
MP: *holds out a picture of Malon in a bikini*  
  
WWL: !@_____@!  
  
Malon: *blush* MP, where'd you get that? ^_--*   
  
MP: *holds out Zelda in bikini*  
  
WWL: !!!!@______________________@!!!!  
  
Malon: *scowl* MP, what are you doing with that?!?   
  
MP: *holds out a picture of Ruto*  
  
WWL: ?!?!?! *.* ?!?!?!?!  
  
Malon: *shriek, horrified* WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
MP: *ignores Malon, holds out pebble*  
  
WWL: ?_?  
o_o  
^^  
^.^  
^_^  
^___^  
^_____^  
^o^  
^O^  
!^O^!  
!!!!!!^O^!!!!!! *laughing uncontrollably*  
  
Malon and MP: *.*  
*.?  
?.?  
-.-  
-_-  
-_o#  
-___-  
  
  
MP: WWL, SHUDDUP!  
  
Malon: WWL, please quiet down.  
  
WWL: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! ^_^  
  
MP. -.-# WWL...  
  
WWL: *laughing even harder and pointing at the pebble MP dropped*  
  
MP: WWL, WILL YOU SHUT UP?!?!?!?!?!?! IT'S JUST A ROCK!!!   
  
Inner-MP: Sound familiar?   
  
MP and Malon: -____- ###  
  
MP: *through gritted teeth* you...will...DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
WWL: *stops laughing* O.O  
  
MP: *charges WWL*  
  
WWL: *runs away, MP following close behind*  
  
Malon: *stands dumbly, watching* Uh, go MP? Whatever...  
  
Ruto: *suddenly walks up behind Malon* What are you doing?  
  
WWL: *stops* *.*  
*o* *runs away and spies a bomb*  
  
Malon: Wait a minute, what are you doing here, Ganon killed you.  
  
Ruto: I dunno.  
  
MP: -_____- Uuuuuuuuh, what's going on here?  
  
WWL: *has picked up the bomb and lighted it* *_* *hurls it at Ruto*  
  
Ruto: What's that. *Ruto gets blown up by the bomb*  
  
WWL: *laughing uncontrollably again*  
  
Malon and MP: *look at each other and then back at WWL*  
  
Everyone Not Present At the Moment That Have Been Mentioned in Earlier Missions (Except  
Adult Link and JB4) whew: *arrive*  
  
Everyone Present (except Y. Link): You are my God, WWL! *bow down to him*  
  
WWL: ?.?  
  
MP: Well I guess that's the end of the mission. BYE!!!  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
MP: Yes, that was not as good as the first, but at least it's close, huh?  
  
Inner-MP: I wasn't in it enough.  
  
MP: Shuddup.  
  
Malon: *snuggles next to MP* You're talking to yourself again, honey.  
  
Inner-MP: HONEY?!?!?!?!?! When did this start happening.  
  
MP: *ignores...himself?* Anyway, I wish to continue the missions, but I need suggestions. Send  
'em in. Bye! 


	5. The Lost Mission of Explanatory Stuff

MP: HI! ^.^ I have finally decided to update...  
  
Malon: Update what ?.?  
  
MP: ^.^ *pushes Malon out of the way* Anyway, I can't believe only one person reviewed and  
  
gave suggestions! Oh well...thank you Angelgirl10, I'm using your suggestion in my fic! YAY! ^^  
  
Anyway, maybe you can be a guest...  
  
Malon: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!??!??!?!? I ALWAYS SEE YOU TALKING  
  
TO YOURSELF ABOUT FICS AND FANS, BUT NOW A GIRL?!?!?!?! WHO THE HELL IS  
  
SHE?!?!??! AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE CAN BE A "GUEST"?!?!?!?!?!  
  
MP: -_-* Like I was saying, maybe you can be in the fic. E-mail me about it. That goes for  
  
anyone who gives suggestions. NOW, our feature presentation.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Zelda: *SHRIEK (not Shiek)* OH MY GOD!!! OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD  
  
*continues at a very rapid pace as she runs over to MP's house.  
  
MP: *hears a knock at the door* Co...  
  
Zelda: *bursts through the door* OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD................  
  
MP: *continues eating his breakfast*   
  
Zelda: *pants for breath*  
  
MP: ^^ Great, now te...  
  
Zelda: OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD................  
  
MP: -.- .........  
  
Zelda: OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMY...  
  
MP: o SHUDDUP!!! Now, tell me what happened.  
  
Zelda: Ok......  
  
MP: .........Well?  
  
Zelda: Guess.  
  
MP: *falls over (that joke is getting old, isn't it?)* JUST TELL ME!  
  
Zelda: Ok, geeze, no need to get touchy. I saw....eew *shudders visibly*....no, too horrid to tell.  
  
MP: Um, ok, write it down then.  
  
Zelda: *scribble scribble* (A/N: you know, cause she's writing. and that's the sound you make.  
  
when you...ah forget it)  
  
MP: *reads note* NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! THIS CAN'T BE!!!!!! OH, THE INHUMANITY,  
  
WHY GOD, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!!?  
  
~Meanwhile, in.....someplace else~  
  
*MP faintly heard in the distance*   
  
Uh, guy #1?: Hey, guy #2, do you hear that?  
  
guy#2: Yeah, what is it.  
  
guy #1: Someone yelling, I think. They're sayin' "Oh, the inhumanity, why God, why? How could  
  
you let..." *.*  
  
guy #2: What, what is it.   
  
gu...ok, too hard he shall be from here on out known as #1: *.*  
  
#2:.....................  
  
#1: *.*  
  
#2: *thinking* Do I smell or something?............  
  
#1: *.*  
  
#2: *smells himself and shrugs*  
  
#1: -.-  
  
#2:.............  
  
#1: Well?  
  
#2: Well what?  
  
#1: Aren't you going to ask what I heard?  
  
#2: Oh, that? Yeah, I already heard.  
  
#1: Oh...ok...  
  
Both: HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!??!?!??!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
MP: (in a sweet voice)Zelda.......  
  
Zelda: OHMYGODOHMYGO...yeeeeeeeeees?  
  
MP: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!  
  
Zelda: Geez, that's getting really old. Don't you ever say anything else?  
  
(Author's Note: See, that up there is a pun. Sorry, I just had to point it out. But, it also ties in  
  
with my personal life. I don't feel like explaining)  
  
**MP, Malon, and Zelda are all marching over to Saria's house. Of course MP is pissed, Zelda  
  
continued say oh my God over and over again and Malon is...doing something else.**  
  
MP: Finally. Now, you all know what to do, right?  
  
Malon and Zelda: *nod nod*  
  
MP: Good....ATTACK!!!  
  
MP, Malon, and Zelda: *charge through Saria's door* O GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I  
  
CANNOT BEAR IT, WHYYYYYYYYY?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Saria and Ganon: *turn and look in they're direction* What?  
  
MP: *melodramtic* H-h-how c-could you. It...it...it's just.....gross.  
  
Saria: You mean us....*dramatic lead up music*...kissing?  
  
MP: How the HELL did this happen? I sure as hell didn't plan this!  
  
Ganon: I don't know, it...wait, plan this?  
  
Malon: Yeah MP, what do you mean by that?  
  
MP: Uh, yeah, that....I....can't explain....  
  
Malon: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, CAN'T EXPLAIN??!??!?!?!?!?!?  
  
MP: Without you believing this, I meant....  
  
Everyone: Well?  
  
#1: walks through the door and speaks with a Dr. Evil accent* Hello, I am #1.  
  
MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
#2: *#2 accent* And I am #2. And Dr...I mean, #1, do is it absolutely necessary to laugh.  
  
#1: Yes, it is all part of my...persona. MWAHAHAHAHAHA....  
  
Zelda: Is that a giant cock outside?  
  
#2: NO, that's our spaceship.  
  
Zelda: Oh...um...  
  
#2: Forget it.  
  
MP: What are you doing here?  
  
#1: To bring *camera zooms in* world peace.  
  
MP: Riiiiiiiight, and that laugh is not evil.  
  
#1: Um...um...um...ok, we're here to take over this world.  
  
MP: Um...anyone strong enough to take him?  
  
Everyone: *shake head*  
  
Ganon: *thinks* Wait a minute, I'm the lord of all that's evil, he should be bowing down at my  
  
feet. *out loud* I shall challenge you!  
  
MP: A little slow on that one chief.  
  
Ganon: Huh? *notices henchmen all around* Oh...I'll still take them.  
  
MP: Right, just like how you beat Link.  
  
Ganon: Shut up. *powers up and blows away all the henchmen*  
  
Henchmen (who knew that was one word?): AHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhh.....  
  
Ganon: Now, where's the little fuckers #1 and 2 go?  
  
MP: I don't know...  
  
Ganon: I'll get'em.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
**2 hours later**  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
MP: This is typical, you found them an hour ago, and then you spent another hour telling them  
  
what you're going to do.  
  
Ganon: ...will rip out your lower intestines.... what was that MP?  
  
MP: Just kill them.  
  
Ganon: Sounds good. Ok, now you die. *charges up again*  
  
#1 and #2: *unenthusiastic* Noooooooooooooooo.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
MP: Stupid computer didn't save the rest of the fic or something. I had it all planned out, too. -_-  
  
Oh well, I'll just make it another chapter. I apologize for the inconvenience and emotional  
  
destress I caused. Dammit, now I have to start half way over again. YES, I HAVE TO START  
  
HALF WAY OVER, AGAIN! 


End file.
